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An Old Story

I found this story today as I was looking through files on my computer. I wrote it in high school, not long after my Pop passed away. I miss that sweet man. 

The Greatest Lessons

By: Hannah Baker

    I was in second grade when Daddy told me we were moving to that little country town. We were moving because my Gramma had been "lifted up”, and my Papa was all alone. I remember how exciting Mama and Daddy made it sound. “…And there’ll be cows and chickens and you’ll get to walk to school like the other children, and I’m sure your Papa will tell you stories about when he used to live all the way across the ocean!”

    I loved school. Mrs. Johnson taught me how to add and subtract and about where rain came from. I got a blue ribbon for being the best student, and I didn’t get in trouble once- not even when I pulled Jimmy’s hair. I got to spend some time with Papa too. He told me about coming over on a boat from a big country called Russia. He said my Gramma would’ve liked to tell me funny stories about how he got sea sick and she had to carry him to the top deck. He said she had hair the color of the darkest of chocolate and eyes that were just as blue as mine. He’d always say, “My Lena. She vould have loved you.” And then he’d just smile and go on.

    My summer days were filled with helping Papa. The minute school let out for summer break, I ran all the way to his farm. It was only a mile or so from the school. His door was always unlocked and I always found him working. Papa wasn’t big but he was the strongest man alive. There was always a pair of his clean, old, worn, overalls laying on the rocking chair for me to slip on. We’d walk hand in hand to the barn. Being with Papa made me wonder about things. I’d ask things like “Do cows drink milk?” or “Do you think it hurts the worms when we bait the hook?” Papa never seemed to tire of my questions. He only smiled and answered to the best of his ability. I forgot to mention he was the smartest man alive too. He taught me how to tie my shoes and how to whistle and snap my fingers. He taught me how to milk a cow. At the end of the day I’d put my hand-sewn dress back on and walk home, promising to be back the following day. Everything was perfect with Papa. I wasn’t ever sad or lonely when I was with him.

    My routine remained unchanged from the time I was seven until the summer after I turned thirteen. It was as if I'd been growing older without taking notice. I wasn’t the only one growing older either. Papa had become so much feebler over those last couple of summers. Daddy said that’s what happens when people get old. Papa called me Lena sometimes. I just patted his hand.

    It was the last day of school. I picked up my books and dragged myself outside. “Are you coming over, Kate?” my friend, Jackie, asked. I looked in the direction I knew I should go. Papa won’t mind. He knows I have friends. I’ll just go tomorrow and explain to him. He probably doesn’t even remember I’m coming. I turned and followed Jackie to her house. I did not know then that it was the beginning of a new phase.

    Jackie and I had lots of fun. We went into her mother’s room and tried on her best dresses. Then we put lipstick on and put socks in our bras to make us look like women. We giggled and talked and giggled some more. But it was different than Papa’s farm. It was a different kind of fun.

    The next day I woke up late. I went to mama’s room and fixed my hair the way Jackie showed me. It took an hour. Then I went in my room and fell onto my bed. I wondered what Papa was doing. Those overalls just didn’t fit me right anymore, and I never imagined I’d run out of questions but I guess that summer I thought I had. The rest of the summer break went by pretty quickly. Mama and Daddy would ask “Why haven’t you been to visit your Papa?” And I’d reply, “I will tomorrow.” I did go a few times. I even put on those old ugly overalls. Grandpa took my hand as he always did. His hand felt cold. He smiled. I smiled back, but it was different. Papa didn’t seem to notice, though.

    School started again. I was a freshman in highschool. Mama made me a new dress. The boys liked it. I liked them. I’ll admit I didn’t really think about Papa much. I was just too old to have fun the way I used to. I saw him just often enough to remove the guilt I felt. Early in the school year I came home to find both mama and daddy sitting on the couch in the living room. Mama was crying. “What’s wrong?” I asked. Daddy’d been crying too. My daddy never cried. “What’s wrong?” I asked again. “Kate, come and sit down.” Mama patted the couch. She talked loud and slow, like people talk to babies. “Katherine, your Grandpa has… well… Kate, he died this morning.” I looked at her for a long while. I didn’t understand. Papa couldn’t die. He was…the strongest and smartest man alive. I opened the storm door and started walking the path to Papa’s farm. I was thinking about all those silly questions I had asked. I was thinking about how firm he always held my hand. I was thinking about his smile. When I got to his house the door was unlocked as it always had been. The overalls were laying on the rocking chair. I put them on and walked to the barn. It was empty. I sat down on a hay bale and cried. I cried for a long time. Papa must’ve waited every day that last summer for me to come.

    Things are always changing. For six years I didn’t know change. I didn’t know about boys, or fixing my hair a certain way. Papa didn’t teach me how to add or subtract, or teach me about where rain comes from, but sometimes the most important lessons are the simple lessons like how to tie shoes, how to whistle and snap, how to milk a cow, and how very much I miss Papa.

Spring Cleaning

I feel it! Spring is finally here and I think it might stay this time. Spring is my favorite. It means bursts of color after a dark winter, weeding out the black from my winter wardrobe (not all of it, though, for those days I'm feeling fat), flip-flops, ice cream,  grilling out.

Spring also represents new beginnings right? After Stuart being out of a full-time job for over a year, and losing my part-time job, and now him losing his part-time job, I have to say, we are on our knees daily.   I keep thinking "Maybe God just wants to teach us something. Maybe if I do this differently, He will give Stuart a job. "  It wasn't until last week I realized that I have been going about this all wrong. I have been so focused on what God can do for us that I have forgotten the reason we are here is to live for Him.  So, this has led me to so many ideas. What can I do for Him? Why am I worrying when He has promised He will provide?    It doesn't mean we don't still have hard days where we wonder how long it will be before we get a "yes" instead of a "not right now," but in the mean time, I have a lot of work to do. 

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you;  never will I forsake you."  So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" Heb 13:5-6

"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them." Matthew 6:31-32

Another thing I'm guilty of is making doing the right thing conditional.

Example:"I'll be a good wife if he is a good husband." or "I'll go to church if everyone acts the way they are supposed to." How much sense does that even make? We don't teach our children that they are to be kind only if others are (or at least I hope we don't teach our children that). We teach them that they are to be kind and obey and let the other children’s mommies and daddies take care of them. God doesn't expect us to do the right thing just because. He wants us to do the right thing because He loves us and it will bring us peace in this life.

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

It is so true that when I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing and striving hard to please Him, my life is just more peaceful. Thank you, God, for that promise!

In other news, we have several exciting things happening soon. This weekend, my friend Erin (or Imma Jean, whichever you prefer) and I will be taking a daytrip to Alabama for a Barren River Trio show. For those of you who don't know, Barren River Trio is the band my husband is managing and they are awesome! In 2 1/2 weeks we will be flying to Florida to see my brother-in-law graduate with his Doctorate in Physical Therapy (so proud of him)! After that trip, my little sister will be moving back home for the summer and then to Bowling Green. I can not even tell you how exciting this is for me. I miss my sisters terribly.  And, last but not least,  I am going back to school!!!!!! I wasn't going to make this public for a while, but I am just too excited not to mention it. I have always thought I would, but right now just seems like an opportune time to do so. I'll start taking online classes in the summer. Hoping this 5 +- years- post- high-school- brain can keep up!

Hope you guys have a fabulous rest of the week!

Sometimes I Dream a Little

As vain as it is, sometimes I can't help but dream a little about the day when we have our own place again to decorate and make our own. I am so very thankful that my parent's have put up with us for this long, but the day we have our own place again will be a really happy one. Families need that. You know, a place where you can come out of the shower in only your towel and not have to look to make sure no one is around. So, here are some of my dreams translated into pictures.

Happy Birthday, Camden

Camden Leo was born on this day two years ago. He was a week late, which makes total sense to me now that I know his stubborn nature. But, with that stubbornness there is also joyfulness. Sometimes when we go to church it's almost as if the entire building lights up just because he is there. As we walk by,  expressions go from pleasant to gleeful. He has a way about him that brings happiness to those he is around. He runs everywhere. He is rambunctious. He is a monkey. He climbs on everything and gets into all of the things he's been told a dozen times not bother. But, he is sweet. Sometimes he'll give me a quick kiss as he passes by or just run to me and lay his head on my shoulder (only for a second though-- can't quit moving for too long). He loves his stuffed animal friends. He likes to pile them all up and sit in the middle. He is nurturing. He feeds them his snacks and sings "Bye Bye" to them ("Bye Bye Baby" is a lullaby we sing to him every night). He was born making car sounds. He loves to jump. He knows most of his shapes and some of his colors. I think this makes him a genius, but of course I'm a little biased. He smiles and laughs most of the day. He dances whenever there's music. He loves to take things apart. He loves to try to put them back together with a screwdriver. He pretends to blow a pitch pipe and then uses his hand to "lead singing." He says "Holju" when he wants us to pick him up. One time I accidentally closed his finger in the front door (I know, terrible mother award). Don't you worry, though. He hasn't let me forget it. When I scold him, he still holds his little finger up and says pitifully "doe."  He calls his Memommie "Meommie" and his Grandmother "Muddah." He loves fruit, nuts, yogurt, applesauce, and berries. He also loves cake, icecream, and candy, which he calls "teats" (treats). There are so many wonderful things about him and I feel so incredibly blessed to be his mommy. Happy birthday to our precious little boy. We love you!

"You're being so nerdy and I love it!"

I have thought several times "I should start a blog," but always talked myself out of the thought that anyone would want to read what I have to say. Then I realized blogging is probably more for the person doing it than the people reading it. {So, if you're looking for something exciting you should probably stop reading now}Tonight I have had my first lesson in coding, html, css, and other terms that I don't remember at this point. I actually kind of...well...liked it. Stuart saw how engrossed I was, got really happy, and said "You're being so nerdy and I love it!"

 ...thank you, sweetie?